I swear -- there is a secret code that, if known, can solve all your social problems. There must be an algorithm. I just need to find it!

Tammy has been playing "good cop, bad cop" with me lately. Just what I need right now. She's really hard on me/annoyed one day and the next she's like "Omgosh, you sound beautiful" etc etc. She's been putting stuff on my recital/jury, taking it off, putting it back on...in short, making me crazy. She's trying to rattle my cage. I'm not going to let it get to me!

That's what's amazing about private voice teachers -- they not only teach you how to sing, but they teach you how to live. She's preparing me for my LIFE. It's crazy to have someone in your life who is purposely trying to improve you not only in your craft, but in the way you present yourself to the world.

Here's a beautiful quote that a soprano friend of mine posted. Her voice teacher in Hungary (from when she was studying there) said this to her:

"Singing, the feeling inside when you are singing...enjoy it...remember that feeling...because the sound that results from this feeling is you...it feels good because this sound is you. Singing is who you are. No one else can make that sound for you. It is your own. Use it. Embrace it. Share it."

I am so inspired by this. Tammy has said some really deep things to me, too. These are the sort of quotes that push me onward, that make me remember that THIS IS IT and that I'm doing the right thing with my life. Honestly, I've never been so sure of anything in my life. It's a little scary but totally exciting.

This is going to be a very interesting week. Dress rehearsals in various towns every night of the week and three performances this weekend. One huge audition on Sunday and then, to top it all off, shopping with Grandma.

Oh the epicness.

Shopping with my grandmother is such an experience. It started when I was...9 (?) and it's still going on. I think it always will. The experience has changed over the years and every year I get more and more of what I actually WANT (which is always good). When I was little, I always nodded and smiled at the lacy, old-school dresses that she bought. As I got older, I started meekly shaking my head at said dresses and settling for something that neither of us liked. Now I've trained her to know what's cool and what's not and we laugh together at the absurd fashion trends (you know -- those ones that are actually really horrible but catch on because the "cool" kids wear them and this causes a subconscious revolution in which everyone is convinced that it's not actually as ugly as everyone first thought).

So, yeah -- if I survive this week and this weekend, I'll get to go shopping with gma. GOOD TIMES.

NaNoWriMo is going on right now and, to be completely honest, I feel a little left out. I love the concept, I love doing it, but I cannot (CANNOT) do it now. But I want to! But I can't! OH THE ANGST.

The bottom line is that I cannot sacrifice my sleep for NaNo because sacrificing what precious-little sleep I get means sacrifices my opera-strength. AKA NOOO. It's not worth it. And I don't have time during the day to write. :( I have class non-stop 9am-10pm three days a week and I get out at 5:30 on the other two days. The weekends are work and practicing. Keine Zeit für schreiben...

So, yeah, this is a whiny post. I'm sorry. I just had to get it out of my system...

Opera Theater of Saint Louis is hosting the world premiere of The Golden Ticket, a new opera based on Dahl's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. One of my favorite mezzos, Jennifer Rivera, is playing Veruca Salt. (Of course the mezzo would play the bratty kid...)

As exciting as this is, this brings up a topic that I've been thinking about/talking with other people about recently. What is with this new trend of making musicals out of movies? Granted, Charlie is a book, but there are two big movies and a musical based on it already. Now there needs to be an opera of it? I think the question needs to be: is this good operatic material?

So here's my problem: medium. Every medium -- be it opera, broadway musical, movie, play, novel, whatever -- has its inherent strong points. Some stories just work in a certain medium. When you start juggling it around, the story loses its original impact. Shrek the musical? Spiderman the musical? An opera based on An Inconvenient Truth? I mean, come on -- who thought this was a good idea? You see the same thing happen when they make your favorite book into a movie. Some movie renditions are wonderful and they even enhance the original story, but some books just lose all their power when they're put into movie form.

I've noticed a trend, especially in broadway musicals, and I think that these media are being compromised because everything new that is being written isn't taking into account the strengths and weaknesses of the form in mind. I could blame it all on commercialism, but this trend began before the recession came in full-force. I think the cause is more laziness than anything. There isn't a commitment to the craft. There needs to be a commitment to the craft! Nothing good ever came from half-hearted writing.

Joyce Didonato, a very successful mezzo-soprano with a refreshing, ever-present awe of life, said it perfectly in her last post when she explained Dr. George Gibson's philosophy. He believes in the three Ds: Dedication, Disclipline, and Determination. I think that is such a great motivator and thing to live by. If only the entertainment industry would do the same...

No, there is no dealing with people!

This semester needs to be over. Now. Kthanksbye

Dear Life,

How can you be so complex and lovely and draining all at once? I've been here so long, trying in vain to peer through you, but all I see are nameless things-- those things which inspire and confound and ignite.

Open to me! Show me your secrets! Explain yourself. Unravel the hand-knit knots that plague my mind. Night and day you stare me down and laugh because I cannot stare back long enough to win against you. Give in just this once--let me beat you!

God, you present such beautiful things: the scent of winter's fireplaces on the night air, the feel of a wool scarf on my fragile throat, the sight of a kiss blown across the room from one so beloved, the sound of enchanting music -- music to break my heart from an abundance of love.

I gather it all about me; I try to let it seep in. My soul desires and yet resists. When will anything make sense?

See, you have tired me out! I can only sleep now. Unconsciousness beckons to me. I cannot push it away; I cannot stop my hearing. I seek it out as it searches after me. Sleep--one of my favorite dance partners. Let us waltz!

Until tomorrow. Only until tomorrow. Then we shall begin all over again. Conflict, love, tension, release, revelation...

Love,
me

Imagine a 100-piece orchestra and a 60-piece choir improvising. At the same time. In no set key. INSANITY

That is about 50 measures worth of the Pärt Credo that we're doing with symphony orchestra and chorale. EPIC

How's that for art?

I walked into work today and the first words out of my coworker's mouth were,

"Hey there, skinny girl!"

I'm proud to announce that I am wearing a size 10 pair of jeans today. In May, I was pushing a 14. Here's the story:

In May, I was cast in the opera and I said to myself, "Now this is real. In order to have this career, I need to look amazing." I was really inspired by something that Natalie Dessay (a very successful opera singer) said in an interview. She said, "[If you're on stage,] you have to make people dream." I agree with that. Also, I'm totally committed to my artistry and I want to make my character look like they would if they really existed. It needs to be realistic on every level. Prince Orlofsky, a spoiled brat rich teenage boy, is definitely skinner than I am. Besides, I work so hard on my technique and my languages and everything- why should I work any less on this aspect of my performance? I can't let anything get in my way. Therefore I started to try.

The first five attempts/strategies did not work. Some were a lot of work (and I lost literally ZERO pounds) and some made me sick (I got off them immediately) but I've never used pills and I've only done things naturally. (I will talk in a second about the health aspect of this.)

While I was in Austria, I ate tons of pastries and sang my butt off and dropped to a 12. But I couldn't do anything after that and I couldn't go back to Austria and simulate the experience, so I was stuck once again. Two weeks ago, I started a new diet that has finally worked and I am now a size 10. I am thanking God every day because SOMETHING IS FINALLY WORKING! Sure, I'm not eating any of my favorite foods, but it's worth it! I learned that everyone's body is different and you have to find what works for your chemistry. I guess it's like everything else in life: when things don't work the first time, try something else and never give up!

Now, I was committed to losing weight in a healthy way, because I think that it's very important. Looking good means nothing if you're not healthy. Besides, as an opera singer, my body is my instrument and I have changed my lifestyle on a few accounts in order to keep it in top condition. As a singer, you also have to be extremely careful about losing weight because fat distribution affects your singing and technique. (There's an extremely interesting blog post about how your body type affects the sort of vocal problems that you will encounter.) Dropping weight too fast or unnaturally can cause major issues with your voice. That is the last thing I need because it totally defeats the purpose of losing weight in the first place!

So here's my thing: if you want something bad enough, work hard to get it. Go for what you want! I still have a ways to go (and this will probably be a life-long endeavor of mine), but I'm willing to do it because I love what I'm doing and I will do anything I can to be completely successful at it.

Prince Orlofsky, here I come!

Just finished signing up for classes for spring semester. FUN! I was SOOOOO tempted to take French 1 and Russian 1, but I promised my best friend that I'd wait for next year to start French. I'm taking German 4 and Italian 4 next semester. I think I can hold off on French. Russian's optional at this point. I might want Play Analysis or Creative Writing instead. We'll see. I'm not sure that my brain can handle FOUR foreign languages. I know the Russian alphabet. I'd love to learn the basics. :)

So, the final verdict on my schedule is:
German 4
Italian 4
Private Voice Lessons
Private Cello Lessons
the usual ensembles (chorale, chamber singers, opera, symphony orchestra, string orchestra)
History of 20th Century Music (w00t - Philip Glass)
Orchestration (!)

There was this honors class that studied Ring Cycles in film, lit, and OPERA (aka Tolkien's Lord of the Rings, Wagner's Ring Cycle, James Joyces' something, etc) but I can't take it because it's during my opera scenes class. EPIC FAIL. I'm so upset! They have an opera class when none of the serious opera people can take it. Genuis. I went to the honors office to make them aware of this fact, but they won't change the time of the class. I'm probably the only person in the school who might be SINGING in the Ring Cycle one day but whatever. Do you know how rare Wagnerian singers are? Sheesh.

Ok, my rant is over. There are so many good classes that I'd love to take (like Speech for Actors), but alas -- I only have so many hours in the day.

I've had three horrible cups of coffee today. The first I made myself, the second I bought at Starbucks and the third I got from Panera. All of these places usually have good or at least DECENT coffee. But today, they were all mutinying against me. The one day I really needed it!

I had chorus rehearsal at 10 this morning and I have an orchestra concert tonight. And I still haven't had a good cup of coffee. Boo.

</lame>

So, I made some discoveries yesterday.

-Skinny hazelnut lattes at Starbucks = LOVE And they're only 90 calories!! DOUBLE LOVE

-When something seems sketchy, LEAVE. PRONTO. I went to a local college last night with some friends to see an experimental drama and we left before it even started because the place was SKETCHY. We took a vote and went to Starbucks instead.

-Isabel (opera director) told my best friend, Rachel, that our characters are going to "like each other very much." Granted, I'm playing a boy (what else is new). I'm very interested to see how this opera turns out...

How did my life turn out this way?

The funniest thing happened at opera scenes yesterday:

I was running through my Werther piece with George (on piano). It was just a musical run-through and no one was actually supposed to be listening. But, alas, it's rather hard to NOT hear my voice (through walls, down the street, you get the idea...).

So after I finished, I went to sit down and Brian (one of my good friends) leaned over and said,

"One day, I'm just going to propose. There's something about when you sing...whenever you sing, you make me want to marry you."

Haha!

Then Rachel, hearing this, leaned over and said,

"I never told you this, but last semester at opera scenes, Pat [her boyfriend] said to me, 'Honey, you sang beautifully, but when Kim sang I just wanted to marry her.'" LOLZZZZ

So apparently my singing has magical powers. At least it inspires people to virtue (and not other things). Marriage is a good thing! This could be very useful. Maybe this will work in real life...

Another funny story that's kind of related:

I've babysat Tammy's 6-year-old son, Rainer, a few times. He was at one of Tammy's performances 2 weeks ago and when he saw me, he started jumping up and down and he asked,

"Are you coming over today?"

"Not today," I said. "Maybe soon, though."

His next question was, "Um, can you move in with us?"

hahaha

Morgen, his older sister, came over and asked,

"Did he just ask you to move in with us?"

"Yeah."

"Oh gosh. He's been talking about it all week."

lolz

So many proposals. What to do with them all?

My Mom finally put her psychology degree to good use: she helped me with my opera homework.

I'm studying a scene from Werther and I couldn't figure out Charlotte's super-objective. She's a very complicated character and I really needed someone to talk with about it. It took about an hour of conversation, but it was worth it! I went in to Isabel with my idea and she was totally satisfied. I told my Mom and she's like, "I wasn't a psych major for nothing!" hahah

I don't have anything against psych majors; I'm just being silly. My Mom actually did a lot with her psych degree. She went into advertising and eventually got a high-level job with A. C. Nielsen (the people responsible for TV ratings). She's very good at figuring people out and she has given me valuable insight on more than one occasion. It's like having my own personal shrink. ;)

Either way, I'm very happy with how my "character work check-up" went yesterday. Isabel was excited by the things I was spewing out. I even got a "that's intense" from George. SCORE.

I was reading an interview with Vesselina Kasarova (an EXCEPTIONAL opera singer) and she said something very interesting about acting. She almost alludes to the fact that you can mess up your mind and your emotional state if you take on the wrong characters at the wrong time. She says it this way,

"Beside the vocal range, it’s also very important to know the character of the role. For example, there are roles I could sing now because all the notes are there, but the problem is to bring in the character, and that I couldn’t do right now. Maybe later, with more experience, then it would all come together. With the dramatic repertoire, the point is that you are singing with so much emotion that these emotions really can damage your voice. It's not the notes which are written, but there is so much happening in your mind.. For example, if young singers try certain roles too early, it can be a problem, because on stage these emotions, these feelings, don't fit your personal state of being. Maybe a boy who's thirteen years old isn't ready to do certain things. It's the same for the singer. You will have difficulties to control the balance of all these big emotions. So it's better to be a bit older."

(You can find the entire interview here.)

Interesting, no? I've always wondered about this and I find it very interesting to actually see that someone else has an opinion on it.

Most people think that don't have to act to be an opera singer, but this is ENTIRELY untrue. Opera is an extension of straight theater and therefore it adheres to the principles of drama. The actual physical act of singing does sometimes hamper the movement onstage, but this isn't to the degree that most people believe.

This is a whole other discussion in itself (so I'll leave it for the moment), but what I'm trying to say is that this character of Charlotte is definitely stretching my limits. She's my age but she's been through much more than I have and so, in one sense, she's older than I am. It's going to be very interesting learning how to balance the emotions and the music in this scene. This is a very dark, charged scene and I'm going to have to figure out how to let the dark elements of the scene leak in without letting too much in (because that would destroy everything). I have my goals laid out for me.

Oh, and keeping my sanity is always a good thing.

It's amazing how many things you take for granted. My dishwasher broke a few days ago and we've been washing everything by hand. It's so much time and effort! I feel bad for people who have to do this all the time. I am such a spoiled brat. The worst part of all this is that my Mom's skin problems have gotten really bad lately from it. :(

This lack of convenience was the worst part of being in Europe. It was so different to live there! I thought I'd already gotten my dose of "you take this for granted" but I guess it's not over yet!

I just finished watching Das Rheingold, the first part of Wagner's Ring Cycle. The last ten minutes were filled with such incredible music. Wagner is NOT all screaming crazy ladies with horns and spears. To be honest, it wasn't even what I was expecting. It was so fantastic. I can't wait to see the rest of the cycle.

There's a character in it named Fricka and I love her. I want to play her! When I was in Austria, my teacher said (on more than one occasion) that I'd play her. That's crazy! Very few people can handle that part. You need to be a Wagnerian mezzo-soprano. I almost fell over the first time she said it. Me, a Wagnerian! I never dreamed it would happen but you never know!

And now, because I love them: ( Music Meme )

Things have been pretty crazy at my school recently. There were news guys all over the place today. I successfully dodged them all (score!), but I hate to think that they were there for bad reasons. Thankfully, the whole thing was a racket. The alleged crimes never happened. Good to know now. I only wish I knew this when I got a text message this evening saying, "Two female students were accosted on north campus. Please exercise caution." I was at home (a freak accident) but all my girl friends were there. Stress, anyone? Apparently even those incidents were not serious/real. Stupid, stupid girls at my school. All they care about is attention. Nevermind that you made 15,000+ people crazy for three days. So stupid.

In other news: I've just been having a fabulous music week. I discovered Hindemith's orchestral suite to his "Mathis der Maler," Chopin's "raindrop" prelude, Bach fugues and suites played on the lute, and three new CDs that are all amazing (!: Anberlin's "New Surrender," Jars of Clay's "The Long Fall Back to Earth," and Daughtry's "Leave This Town"). That, and I got to see the NY Phil's opening on PBS. <3 Renee's dress was gorgeous. She was gorgeous. They played Messiaen and Berlioz (Symphonie Fantastik). LOVE.

As an added bonus, I have Haydn's L'anima del filosofo; Orfeo ed Euridice coming in the mail and I only paid $20 when all was said and done. I CANNOT WAIT. My Orpheus obsession continues. Next on my list is the DVD of Vesselina's Orfee. AHHHHHH.

So, all is well. I'm unveiling my Werther scene tomorrow. Über goosebumps for that. It should be okay. Please let it be okay. LET ME REMEMBER MY FRENCH! (Je devrais les détruire... je ne puis!)

Another bonus for today: I passed my first German exam! *fireworks* I'm going to survive German 3! Life is good. :)

Let's see how tomorrow goes...

School's back in session and that means BRING ON THE STRESS! (Especially if you're a music major and you have 10 days to learn 10 pages of music in French plus do all your homework and practice everything else and show up for rehearsal and... Need I go on?)

So, here are 5 ways that I've found to reduce stress and bring a little HAPPY! into your life.

1. Read Jennifer Rivera's blog, Trying to Remain Opera-tional. She's so funny and down-to-earth and you'll always learn something about the "real world of opera." Or you'll learn something about life -- she can be very deep. Either way, it's a great way to add a little flavor to your day.

2. Listen to Mozart on the way to class. There's nothing like Mozart to lift your spirits no matter WHAT is happening. MP3 downloads on Amazon are easy and cheap! I suggest The Overture to The Marriage of Figaro (only $0.99!) or one of the beautiful duets of all time, "Ah perdona al primo affetto" (from La Clemenza di Tito) which is also only $0.99.

3. Take 10 minutes to just sit and drink a cup of coffee (or other comforting beverage of choice). Taking time to just "chill" gets you prepared to face the rest of the day.

4. Read a Psalm. Even if you're not "into the God thing" or whatever, you have no idea how these words can bring peace into your life. They're so reassuring and calming -- definitely worth turning to when you're really stressed out. You can find a "modern" version of the Bible (no "Thou art" and such) online. Here's two really good spots: Psalm 37 and Song of Songs 4:8-15.

5. Write a letter. Writing a letter to someone is such a nice (and unexpected gesture). Not only will it give you time to relax and just enjoy something for a moment, but it will have a nice effect in the future when that person gets the letter. Draw pictures on it for extra stress relief. :)

F-list, I need your help! I'm writing a chapbook - partially just because I want to and partially as a way to give creative Christmas gifts this year - and I'd really like some people to read what I have and give me some feedback.

It's a total of about 30 poems. They're generally short and are by no means dense reading. Besides, you can read as much or as little as you want. They're split into two seconds: one set called Songs of Orfeo (based on the myth of Orpheus and Eurydice) and another called Qualms (or, Society).

Any and all help is VERY MUCH appreciated. :) Comment or message me with your email address if you'd like to be a reader. Also let me know what/how much you want to read. Thank you in advance!

For opera scenes this semester, I might get to play Sesto, possibly one of the coolest characters under the sun. Listen to this:

Sesto (you might know him as Sextus) is right-hand man to Tito (Titus), Emperor of Rome and he's going out with the deposed emperor's daughter, Vitellia. Now, Vitellia is only interested in Sesto because she wants to knock off Tito but Sesto's too nice/naive/in love to notice this. So the whole show Vitellia's trying to convince Sesto to kill Tito. Not only is Tito the Emperor, but he is Sesto's best friend, mentor, father-figure, and the reason that Sesto has such a good position in the government.

So in the fantastic aria that I might sing, Vitellia has just asked Sesto why he hasn't left yet (to go kill Tito) and Sesto sings "Parto, parto" (which means "I'm leaving, I'm leaving!").

Sesto is so complicated and unpredictable and incredibly nice (which makes him unbearably cute and yet sometimes annoying) and I really hope that I get to play him!

Here's one of my favorite renditions of this aria, sung by the wonderful Susan Graham. This aria is from Mozart's La Clemenza di Tito and it's not usually performed this way. The opera takes place in ancient Rome but this staging is modernized. I just love that they have Vitellia putting on war paint while her boyfriend desperately just tries to get her to look at him. It's different but it works. Also, listen for the crazy clarinet solos. That is TOTALLY Vitellia manipulating Sesto. (Mozart, you're ingenious!) I apologize for the Italian aria with Spanish subtitles. I couldn't find one with English. :( If you want to know what's actually being said, a rough English translation is under the video.




I'm leaving but, my love,
let's make peace!
Your happiness
is all I want to have.

Look at me and I'll do everything for you.
I'll take your revenge!
A single glance for me!
Oh gods, to know such beauty!