Practice was good again today. I’m really beginning to bond with my teammates. The younger girls are becoming especially attached to me. I really love younger girls; they’re so much fun and there are so many opportunities to impact their lives in a good way. I’m really enjoying their company.

The people in charge of the dramas decided to finally make me the “mother” of the “I Run” drama. I enjoy the part because it’s really multi-faceted. I get to display a plethora of emotions, even in the short amount of time that the song spans. It’s also good because I get to work with a small amount of people. Emily, one of the younger girls that I adore, is my “daughter” and that’s really fun because the maternal feelings toward her come without much effort. I do love acting and this is another opportunity to use my talents for God. That’s how they should be used and I know that I do my best when it’s for Him. It just comes easier and it’s more enjoyable.

The dances really clicked for me today. That annoying “hard phase” is over and I’m so happy. Now I can use the dances as worship instead of always having to think, Oh my goodness, what’s coming next? I was getting into it and it was great. Music is incredible; it makes everything so much more fun to do. Besides, the dances make it look like I actually know what I’m doing. Don’t be fooled, though; it’s all choreographed.

It was great; Mama Donna got a word to me from God. She wrote it down and handed it to me today. What a blessing! It was talking about what I’ve been thinking about and struggling with for the past few years, and the past month especially. It was exact and touched upon a few really important points. God is so amazing. I just can’t believe that He thinks so often about me and that He knows me so well. It’s so incredible.

The Georgia team is performing Wednesday for the youth group. I’m kind of nervous that we’ll be bad, but I know that God will pull through if we all do our best for Him. I’m going to invite my best friends to come and see it; they’re unsaved and this could be a really powerful outreach to them. I pray for them always and I just want God to work in their lives. They are so special and important to me and I love them so dearly that I can naturally only want the best for them.

Pastor Kevin announced that the team is going to fast on Thursday. When he said it, I thought he meant one meal. No, he meant the whole day. We can drink juice and other liquids but that’s it. I’ve never fasted an entire day before. I’m scared and excited. I think it’s going to be an eye-opening experience for me. Maybe I’ll want to do it again sometime. Haha...

Ok, I’m going. I am dead tired.

Yesterday was one of those days when it’s so cold that your rings keep threatening to fall off. It was so cold! You don’t understand how much I wished I lived in Florida.

Nevertheless, I’ve been surviving the cold (by avoiding it) and that’s really the least of my worries at the moment. My insides have become a huge cauldron of trouble just waiting to explode. I think I’ve over-complicated myself. Inadvertently. My single point of confusion has spread, infecting almost every part of me. Oh, how I need a bath!

So I made a pact with my Beloved two days ago. I want to keep everything simple. I want to stop running after knowledge and run after Him. I want all my thoughts to be solely fixated upon Him. I won’t try to overwhelm our relationship with my own contrived devices; no, I’ll keep our relationship, for a time, only about us. So far, it’s been helping.

He really spoke to me through a song the other day. I’ve loved the song and listened to it a million times before but suddenly, it had new meaning. Instead of me saying it to Him, it was He who was speaking to me. It exposed His longing and His desire for me and my attention. (If you wanna check it out, you can look up Phil Keaggy’s “Inseparable.”)

I was at a Georgia meeting yesterday and they made me give my testimony. No warning, no preparation... I pretty much began with the fact that I was raised in a Christian home and that I’d been walking with the Lord for my whole life. Then, I went on to say that the first time my faith was really tested was when I was sick. Sure, my faith had been tested by other people; I’ve had to stand up for it, give facts and debate...but this was different. This was personal– no one else really saw. It was between me and God.

I won’t go into specifics here. To make a very long story short, I was nearly incapacitated for a year. My physical and mental abilities were almost non-existent. Everyday was a huge struggle. Something as simple as getting out of bed physically took a half hour. It hurt to walk. I felt every step the way a body-builder would feel the last push on this weights. I’m 13th in my class and, for a time, I could barely read. Me, the writer and avid reader, could barely read. It was agonizing and depressing. It could have been so easy to give up but I refused to.

I was forced to lean on God every minute of every day. I could do nothing on my own, without Him. It made me desperate for Him and brought me to a new place in my relationship with Him. Almost exactly a year after the sickness came, it left. I was healed.

It’s strange. A few months after it was gone completely, I looked back and thought, “Being sick was the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” That may sound strange but it’s true. I was so broken and depression constantly knocked on my door. It took every ounce of me not to open to it. But those times forced me closer to my Beloved. I was closer than ever and I knew it. I was broken and only He could fix me, make me whole again.

I’m a new person because of that short time of suffering. A year is so short in the span of my life, but, at the time, it seemed so long. There was no promise of its end; in fact, the doctors told me that my condition was for life. But He came through and changed me, saved me. The amazing thing is that He’s willing to do that for all of us.

I think I’ll talk more on this another time (when I have time). Until then, adieu!